Simply email a single word, phrase, image, fact etc to this address
and poet Will Salter will turn it into one of his usually terrible poems.
and poet Will Salter will turn it into one of his usually terrible poems.
Simply email a single word, phrase, image, fact etc to this address
Keep checking back to see if the poetry which you inspired gets published online!
Rubus Cockburnianus

When out for an amble,
Or even a ramble,
Traipsing through hawthorn
And ploughing through bramble,
Always be wary
Of plant life quite scary,
Look out for that heinous
Old Cockburnianus.
For with such a genus
Like that of this Rubus
One has to be cautious
Or else you’ll feel nauseous
As its spines dig into sensitive parts,
Nothing quite smarts like a bramble spike smarts.
So heed now this warning
To avoid all forlorning:
Strap your trousers on tight
Before attempting a fight
With those prickles that scathe us
The Cockburnianus.
Hermaphrodite pirate

Lady boys and manly girls
That gather treasure and plunder pearls
Are a force to be reckoned with
From cook to bosun
Cap’ to smith
So when a-sail upon wave and weir
Beware hermaphroditic buccaneers
For they with cutlass, gun or sword
Will kill you outright for small reward
As is the old ambiguous way
Man or woman they’ll end your days
And run you through
No hesitation
Despite being a man/woman abomination
What else is a boy/girl to do
Than kill another
With a curt “Adieu”
Will Salter is adorable

Isn’t it deplorable
How something so adorable
Writes such silly things?
With awful rhymes
And structural crimes
It’s enough to make one cringe.
But as I say
And re-instate,
For that seems to be the rule,
I am somewhat adorable
Pretty hip and cool!
Whether you believe it
Or see it as a lie,
I don’t care
I don’t mind
I’m an awesome guy.
So HA to you!
And HA again!
HAHA indeed-do!
Deal with the bad poetry
I love it through and through.

Can words form a smile?
An arc of letters that grin from the shining screen
Reflecting cheer onto eyes and into soul
By a friend unseen.
A trio of trigger-happy, crime fighting nuns

Following unsuccessful good intention
Through the dust
The smoke and flames
Three figures stand alone
The Crime Fighting Nun Brigade
A formidable trio
After setting out to help,
Returning a lost kite,
There trigger fingers went awry
Shooting everything in sight.
Shopping trolleys,
Sign posts,
Not a thing was left unpeppered
With holes and blood and gore.
Even tainted were their wimples
Habits drench in rabbit juice,
Rosary beads knotted
The red mist quite profuse.
These well meaning lady monks
Full of hope and prayer,
Clearly have some problems
Such as killing all that’s there.
Silver orange

Pray ye folks from times of yore
Gather here by fire
To hear the tale of the orange store
Owned by the town crier.
For one night still and full of wine
A strange occurrence happed
His silver bell and clementine
Combined to defy fact.
For in the morn, and morn it was
He woke from his reclining
But found instead of his proud bell
A silver orange, shining.